Nothing

another week

2009-10-22T21:22:00.000-07:00

I had two bad days at the first of the week (Sunday and Monday) my hair was awful and I wasn’t feeling the best about myself which got me read, more than once, that didn’t help things. By Monday night I was telling myself I should just give up and that made me want to die. But about 3 million tears latter, a good talk and a bunch of makeup and I was feeling a little better. I’ve been out by myself the last two days, I walked to the birdcage shopping center yesterday and to the Sunrise village shopping center today but I wish I had a friend to go with me. I like to talk about the stuff in the shops which is kind of hard to do when you’re alone! I talk to myself sometimes ;) because I’m a little bit crazy. Not like totally nuts or anything, just enough to be fun. I love to hang out with Raven when I can but he works late almost every day so I honestly don’t get to see him much. He keeps telling me we are both trans and we’ll get along OK but that really doesn’t mean anything. I know other tg’s I like and I know some I can’t stand! I am willing to give her a chance yes there are somethings I do not like about her just from what I’ve been told. I haven’t actually met her yet, she has been helping her sister or something. I’m not really sure. I’m pretty easy to get along with and I always try to give people a chance. Anyway, I don’t know how well we will get along. Hopefully good but who knows. We are very different from one another! I’m going to hope for the best though because I could really use someone to buddy around with some times lol.
I took a few new pictures the other day and I thought I’d post at least one. I am a redhead now; let me know what you think.
Love ya! Take care
Krissy

Travel day

2009-10-09T00:23:00.000-07:00

Oct. 7th I finally left for Ca. I got to Springfield about 1:55pm which was three hours early. I’m actually glad I was so early because I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going. After I got through security I found my flight and waited to board. I had never flown before so I was very nervous. To my surprise I enjoyed it quite a lot…. At least at first  I liked the first flight when I got to sit by the window. I had to wait about an hour when I switched flights in Memphis TN. then we sat on the plane for over 20 minutes waiting to take off. On this one I sat in between an older man who slept the whole way and an old lady. About 2 hours later we landed in St.Paul MN. By this time I was starting to get tired of airplanes, the seats are too close together and too small. My legs hurt, my ass hurt, and I was getting a head ach. I was very very happy to land. After we unloaded I walk around for a few minutes trying to make my legs feel better and I was look for a place to eat in the terminal, believe it or not almost every place in there was closed by 10:00pm. OK so waiting for the flight to Sacramento didn’t take long about 25 minutes, nothing to it. I boarded the plane found my seat, and for a while I thought I was going to get to sit there alone :D but no! I was by an old man with terrible breath. After about three hours in the air I wanted off that plane so bad! I would have given almost anything to be on the ground again! We landed in Sacramento around 12:30am and I didn’t get to my friend’s apartment and in bed until around 3:00am. I felt great when I got up this morning but I still need rest because by 2:30 today I felt so sleepy again. Anyway I am here and I am loving it so far. I’ve got to go because I have things to do but I wanted to let the two or three people who read my blog know I am still alive.
Take care, love ya!
Krissy

Still here ;)

2009-09-05T22:11:00.000-07:00

I haven't wrote anything in so long I'm not sure I remember how... My life is pretty much as boring as it's ever been so I've had absolutely nothing to write about. My transition has been moving along fairly well, I have real boobs now :D and a bigger booty LOL!

I got pulled over tonight while I was out, and I still haven't got my name changed on my drivers license so I got a couple weird looks for the cop. I have dealt with cashiers, bank tellers, ect. but I have never been pulled over until tonight. A little embarrassing but not as bad as I had thought it might be.

latter
Krissy

happy birthday to me!

2009-07-23T01:30:00.000-07:00

I wonder if people know when they write shit about there "friends" on these things that chances are that person is going to see it? I wish I could be stone cold emotionally and have no feelings for anyone! I find that very hard to do but it's getting easier all the time. Everytime my heart gets steped on it closes me off a litte more. You ever think you know someone but find out latter you were totally wrong? It hurts when you have to find out whats really going onwith someone whosuposedly trusts youand tells you everything from another person. It's like oh wow thanks for telling me!Nice to know you care enough to fill me in on these things!I love you but not that much! I'm your friend when I have time to be. Oh well, I feel like I've been lied to but whatever. I don't care anymore

june 21

2009-06-21T20:22:00.000-07:00

Uugggg... I hate summer! I feel like I've done nothing but sweat for
the last week and I don't think it's going to get any better for a
while. What makes it even worse is the humidity, which has been around
86% if you've been here you know what I'm talking about, that nasty
wet sticky feeling. I guess it's good if you like yucky hair, runny
makeup, and never quite feeling clean!

I ran across the S.A.G.E. test which is almost identical to GOTO
I had done it long time ago. Anyway, it gave me something to do for a
while.

S.A.G.E. Test Results
Your Raw Score is: 925, which indicates that overall you are Feminine

Your appearance is Androgynous

Your brain processes are mostly that of a Female person.

You appear to socialize in a very feminine manner.

You believe you have serious conflicts about your gender identity.

You indicated your were born Male.

ANALYSIS:
Male to Female Transsexual, either post-operative or in transition
NOTES:

Your answers indicate you have altered your physical appearance to
look like the opposite sex.
Your Answers indicate your psychological state has likely prevailed
since you were quite young.

OK, so I didn't learn anything I didn't already know. Here's the link
if you'd like to take the test.
http://www.hemingways.org/GIDinfo/sage/index.htm

june 9th

2009-06-09T20:19:00.000-07:00

My new hormones arived yesterday, it's a different brand than I was taking so the dose is a little different. Anyway, the crazy moodiness could possibly return!

I've already been a little depressed this week, it seems like none of my friends have been online at night so I haven't had anyone to chat with. Which totally sucks! I like to think I'd be fine alone but honestly I don't think I would.

OK, well I guess that's about it for now. I have things I could write about but it's kind of personal. My best friend now has a new girlfriend and he would like me to get along with her but I'm having a hard time doing so. It would help if I didn't feel the way I do about him. We haven't talk as much lately because he's spending all his time with her. I think he can tell I'm upset and sometimes I think he quite enjoys it (bastard!) and other times I think he worries about me and so he lies about what he's doing to spare my feelings. Oh well, I know I'll never be good enough for anyone to love me. I guess I should just forget about it and move on.

Talk to ya latter!

Alone

2009-05-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

I drew this today while it was raining. I've been a little lonely the last couple of days. My bf has gone out of town for the weekend and we normally talk on the phone everynight so lastnight and to night I've had nothing to do. Oh well

Bad weather

2009-05-08T15:14:00.000-07:00

I spent most of the day today in a neigbors basement :( We had really bad weather here this morning. Mostly high wind and rain but there had been tornados reported. I was freaking out! Last year (Jan. 7th 08) a storm took part of the roof off the apartment I was living in.... I am now terifide of storms. Rain doesn't bother me but when the wind picks up, I want to go somewhere save!

I don't feel very good now. I'm a little sick to my stomach and I have a bit of a head ache. I don't know if it's because I didn't get much sleep last night, (4 hours) or that I stressed myself out this morning, or maybe I just have a bug or something.

I was supposed to go help a friend clean her offices tonight but I called her and told her I wasn't feeling well and I think we are going to put it off until tomorrow. Hopfully I will feel better tomorrow. Anyway, I think I am going to go take a nice hot bath and relax for a while. Maybe try to get to bed a little earlier tonight.

Soooooo I'll catch ya latter, Bye!

Kristina

Moonlight Sonata

2009-05-03T01:08:00.000-07:00

If this makes you feel nothing then you are not alive! It made me cry....... so beautiful

Dreams

2009-05-01T15:39:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night and I have had it before...... kind of, or a least some of it is the same. I have become obsessed with the images left in my head when I wake. I have sat down and drawn them to try and capture where I am and who the girl in the dream is.. I've looked at tons of picture online and the closed thing I can find is northern England. The woman who is with me in my dream is about my height maybe a little taller (I'm 5'10'') long blonde hair, longer than mine, blue eyes, she was wearing glasses and a dress similar to the one I was wearing, which was a long white cotton dress. Mine had sleeves hers didn't.

It's always the same old white house, small with two stories. In front of the house is a narrow street with houses on both sides, close together. I could see a brick church tower or something over the roof tops. The back yard is small with a tall wood fence around it and big oak trees and a small shed in one corner. The floors down stairs are hardwood. The living room in the front, the kitchen is in the back of the house and there is a bathroom the right. I remember the bath tub being one of those free standing tubs like the really old ones. Up stairs are two bedrooms one to the right one to the left a rail and a small upstairs bathroom.

I am up stairs laying on a bed looking out the window. I go down stairs to the kitchen where my friend is. I say friend because the whole dream was very innocent, nothing sexual or anything. I am pretty sure I know who she is because I remember saying her name. The thing is I've never really met her in person or even heard her voice. It's strange that I would dream about her. I wish I was brave enough to talk to her about it.... I guess it could be someone else who looks similar and has the same name. I remember taking a bath talking to her through the door. We end up in the back yard talking and laughing when all the suddenly she is called away by someone, like she was in trouble or something... and that's when I woke up.
I've only recently started having dreams like this. Normally what I remember is pretty veg, but this was like watching a movie. It was so real, almost as if I have lived it before. When I woke up I was sad that I wasn't still there.... weird huh?

Welcome

2009-04-07T15:29:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my blogger page :) I tried a couple of other sites and I just didn't care for them much. I always liked 360 because it was set up better for meeting people. The worst trouble there is half the time nothing worked, comments, messages and blog would just disappear without a trace. You never knew if the person you wrote got it, didn't get it or if they just didn't write you back! Unreliable at it's best!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunday night I had an argument with a "friend" or at least that's what we call each other. We have never actually met but we have talked online and on the phone, mostly in a friends sorta way. We use to spend hours just talking. We have so much in common. I mean, we like the same things, watch the same shows on TV, our friendship is great! Now he's starting to hang out with other girls and he talks about them quite a lot. For some reason I feel heart broke, betrayed!! like I've been cheated on, left for someone better.... but we are just friends. So why do I feel this way? Is it because I love him? Or is it because I use to have all his attention and not it seems like he could care less about me? I hate this feeling it makes it hard to have a normal conversation like we use to! I never intended to feel the way I do about him. That's the problem with love, you can't change how you feel. Even if you tell yourself NO, you are still going to feel the way you feel. There is no stopping it. I normally don't like writing about my relationships in my blogs (friends or others) but this has been so hard on me. I wish I couldn't feel anything for anyone anymore!
"Not all who wander are lost"
Kristina

Ok this is from yesterday. Errrrr.....cross blogging!

2008-12-07T15:53:00.000-08:00

I spent most of the day sitting by the window in my bedroom reading. I think I've found a new escape in books. I never use to like to read much but I find it's so easy to get lost in a good story now. It takes my mind off of every thing else.
I've been asked a few times why I call myself Goth or what it means? Goth at its simplest, is a subculture. A group of people who feel comfortable within each others company. (a lot like being transgender) There is no specific thing that defines what you need to do or be to fit into the goth scene (black clothes). People in the goth scene all have different musical tastes, follow different religions, have different occupations, hobbies, and fashion sense.
Goths are free thinkers, people who do not accept the moral rules of society because they're told "this is just how it is" or 'This is what God says!'. Rather goths tend to listen to what you have to say, and make up their own mind. This kind of free thinking and rejection of dogma earns mostly rejection in today's society.
What drew me in? I've always been interested in the darker side of things, not evil but beautiful and mysterious. I've always loved rainy days and gray skies. If I walked into a room full of people and everyone was getting alone good, talking, laughing and there was one person sitting alone in the back of the room that is the person I would notice first, I am attracted to those people who seem to be alone. I don't know why! Maybe because I'm outcast like they are.
OK well, it's late and I have a couple more things to do before I go to bed so I'll talk to you all latter. Bye!
Kristina

I wrote this Friday :)

2008-12-07T15:50:00.000-08:00

I wanted to start my new page of with something smart, not the normal boring depressing things I usually write about. I've been planing to move to CA. for the last few months so I've had a lot on my mind. It hasn't exactly been easy to get everything together (money and all that) but I think by the end of the month I should be on my way. So that's something to look forward to.
I just finished reading a really good murder mystery. Raven Black by Ann Cleeves. If you like that sort of thing you should read it. She does an amazing job of describing the details you really feel like you're a part of the story I couldn't put it down. In fact I was up until 4:00am the other night reading. LOL